if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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