You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
