Betty ford says i'm here all night
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
