I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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