It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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