I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
