a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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