I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Randomize
