is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
