Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
