My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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