She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
