I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
