i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
