Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
