i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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