You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
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