I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
