Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
