he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We're too hungover to prance.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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