At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
one two three fourrrrnication!
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
