what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
