walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
My dick has a subreddit
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
