Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
