meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
