I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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