In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
