he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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