so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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