my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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