I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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