I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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