Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
