Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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