is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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