I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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