my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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