Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
