We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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