And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
