That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
