So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
