im holly from the hills drunk
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
