We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
