He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There r osticjed everywhere
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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