he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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