The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
