so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
