Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Randomize
