you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
