it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
