so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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